Intake at Menergy

Joseph is typical of the men who call the Menergy treatment program for men who are abusive to their intimate partners.  He is in his mid-30s.  He has a decent job, a working wife and two small children.  His life is also a mess.

He was recently arrested and spent the night in jail.  Charged by the police with simple assault of his wife, Gretchen, the judge issued a stay-away order barring him from his own home.

About three months ago, Joseph had screamed and cursed at Gretchen for coming in late from a “girls night out” and when she sarcastically answered him back, he grabbed her by the throat, banged her head against the wall and slapped her into a frightened clump on the floor.

Now Joseph is calling Menergy, a private counseling clinic in Philadelphia that runs a treatment program for abusive men.  He’s feeling a bit resentful and defensive.  Yesterday’s court hearing was a rude awakening; things went rather poorly for him.  Gretchen was over on the other side of the courtroom with the district attorney.  Joseph had expected her to drop the charges, but the DA wouldn’t allow it unless Joseph agreed to go to a treatment program.  The judge continued his case.  He has to return in three months with proof of successful attendance.

So now he’s on the phone and the guy from Menergy is matter-of-fact, maybe even a bit off-putting.  Joseph is surprised at the flat, business-like tone and the directness of the questions he is asked.

When Joseph tries to cut in and just make an appointment, the clinician tells him that's not possible until Joseph answers these questions and listens to the information about the program and what he must do to get an appointment.  The man on the other end of the line says that if Joseph still wants to come he will set a fee over the phone and after Joseph sends his payment, he’ll be called with his first appointment.

The clinician wants to know who referred Joseph.  When he finds out  its the court, the guy asks about the criminal charges and the approximate date of the last court appearance.  He also wants to know about Joseph’s current living situation.

The clinician tells him that there are basically three distinct stages in Menergy for most men.  First, there is a three-session intensive individual evaluation stage during which he’ll be asked to fill out a 20-page personal history questionnaire at home.  The survey and interviews will focus on both the particulars of the history of abuse in his relationships, and his early experiences of abuse in his family of origin.  During the evaluation period, Menergy will call Gretchen and interview her over the phone about the extent of the abuse.  Joseph is required to give Menergy access to his wife.  She may refuse to talk to the person who calls her, but Joseph must give the program access to his partner or he cannot participate.  If his evaluator determines that Joseph:

then Joseph will be sent back to the court with a letter reflecting his evaluation.

The clinician also tells Joseph that Gretchen will be warned about the limitations of the program and that some 35 percent drop out or are put out in the early stages.  While Joseph’s treatment content is confidential, the fact of his attendance is not, and Gretchen may call the program to inquire about his attendance at any point.  If further abuse takes place she may wish to report it, and Menergy will keep all her discussions confidential.  Gretchen is to be told that she will be notified if Joseph stops coming.  She will also be encouraged to get some supportive counseling help for herself if she feels ready and able, and will be given appropriate referral information if she wishes for it.

The man on the phone also describes to Joseph what will be explained in greater detail during the initial assessment:  the two group treatment phases.  If a man acknowledges some kind of problem with abuse and doesn’t have a debilitating drug or alcohol problem or mental disorder, he is placed in the 10-week beginner group.  In this structured, two-hour, once-a-week group of 6 to 10 men, he will:

After passing through the 10-week curriculum, Joseph can graduate to a more advanced 20-week interactive therapy group where he will explore deeper issues and more refined nuances of rehabilitation from ingrained abusive behavior styles.

The intake clinician also suggests that the treatment program will probably be quite difficult, challenging and possibly frustrating for Joseph, but that many men do change, if they can hang in and do the difficult work that is required.  If he comes to Menergy and stays the full 33 weeks, he’ll have about a 50- to 60-percent chance of becoming violence free and of greatly reducing his emotional abuse.

The clinician then asks Joseph what kind of work he does for a living, and inquires about his salary or hourly wage.  He explains the sliding scale fee structure ($35 to $100 for Individual sessions and $25 to $50 for group).  He sets Joseph’s fee and tells him to send his first payment in the mail, and that when Menergy is holding his money, they will call him and work out his first visit.  He learns that all appointments are to be pre-paid, and that he must show up on time for all appointments or call in advance himself to cancel or he will forfeit his money.

When Joseph does send his payment, his first appointment is both fairly unsettling and strangely reassuring.  The Menergy staff person basically continues the no-nonsense style of the phone conversation by starting off focusing on the incident that got Joseph arrested.  The questions are pointed and specific.  He is asked exactly what he did to Gretchen.  When Joseph is vague about “grabbing” her he is directly asked where on Gretchen’s body Joseph grabbed her.  When he replies ”on her neck” the clinician asks him point blank whether he choked Gretchen.  Joseph feels a flush of embarrassment and admits that he, in fact, did choke his wife briefly.  He is then asked pointed questions about the kind of hitting that occurred next in the incident and the specific places on her body he hit.  He is also asked about the aftermath, the arrest and incarceration and finally, what led up to the incident.

Joseph begins to explain how annoying and defiant his wife can be.  He tells of how long she has been going out dancing with her girlfriends, many of whom are single and of dubious reputation.  He begins to list her provocative behaviors.  The clinician gently interrupts and tells Joseph that he wants him to do an exercise with him as part of his evaluation.  The exercise will provide lots of important information in a short period of time.  It’s a role play.  By way of setting up the exercise, the clinician reminds Joseph that he plans to call Gretchen and ask her a series of questions about Joseph.  Now the clinician wants Joseph to answer all of the same questions, but as if he were Gretchen.  He must put himself in her shoes and answer as she would if she were there.  The questions begin:  Is Joseph bossy?  Does he want to have his own way most of the time?  Does he raise his voice a lot?  Does he call you names?  Is he an unusually jealous man?  Etc...

Joseph feels more lonely and pathetic than angry and defiant at this moment.  He is slightly reassured that the clinician seems strong-willed, firm and confident.  Part of him knows he needs to be confronted with this stuff and maybe see it differently.  Joseph begins to let go and get into the exercise.  He begins to see himself through Gretchen’s eyes.  Gradually as the role play continues, he experiences a slow welling up of guilt and embarrassment.  The questions explore a range of emotional and verbal types of abusive behaviors, then move to increasingly threatening and controlling and finally physically abusive behaviors.  Joseph now feels much less defensive.  Rather he finds himself experiencing a new sadness.  He can see and feel the wrong of what he’s done much more clearly.

When the questions end, the clinician asks him how it felt to answer as Gretchen.  Joseph opens up and shares his embarrassment.  The clinician is warm.  And supportive.  And encouraging.

And now the process really begins.

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Last modified: 11/16/04

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