Frequently Asked Questions
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We get this question several times a day. The short and simple answer
(especially in Philadelphia) is yes. We help people by teaching them to behave
more coolly and calmly and responsibly. BUT ... there is much more to the
answer, because Menergy is much more than an Anger Management Program and
because we were working with anger and abuse and domestic violence long before
the term anger management came into vogue.
We designed the first treatment program for emotionally
and/or physically abusive men in this region back in 1984. We've been
taking referrals from doctors and therapists and ministers and social workers
and the criminal justice system and just about everybody else for many years, long
before the phrase anger management caught on as such catch-all, every-day lingo
for everyone from municipal court judges to Eminem and Adam Sandler.
We view the problem primarily as a problem of abuse.
People who call us for anger management have usually
been abusive either emotionally or physically. It’s often harder to admit that
we are abusive than that we have a problem with anger. But when people around us
feel diminished or fearful or belittled or exasperated or defeated, they are
essentially feeling abused. And we have essentially been abusive whether we’ve
been angry or mean of mouth or frustrating or hostile or stand offish. We have
also been abusive even if we feel justified or abused ourselves.
We view the misuse of anger as just one very visible
component of the patterns of behavior and/or style that make people abusive in
their homes and personal lives. There is much more than anger to consider in
most cases. We believe in evaluating and working on the attitudes, values,
ability to empathize, senses of entitlement, tactics of power and control,
patterns of retaliation, willingness to take responsibility, willingness to be
accountable, ways of carrying the self, and much more at Menergy when we
approach the problem of abuse ... and anger.
In our program, people do learn to modulate and manage
their tempers better. They also learn empathy, to handle personal injuries
better, to re-evaluate their assumptions and expectations more thoroughly, to
communicate more clearly and carefully and directly, and to see themselves from
new perspectives and through fresh eyes. People learn humility and assertion,
fair problem-solving and negotiation skills, and accountability. Some people
learn how to deal with their partners much better for much more peaceful lives. Others learn to non-abusively let go of relationships that are too damaging or
too damaged.
We don’t really like the term Anger Management because
it feels too simplistic and incomplete, but we live with it and work with it
simply because it’s out there, and because referral sources and clients use it. And because basically we
do do it, along with so much more.
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Yes! Menergy’s 13-week
(three evaluation sessions and the 10-session, once-a-week-for-two-hours group)
beginner program has qualified as either a mandated domestic violence program or
an anger management program for the Philadelphia criminal justice system for
many years. Other jurisdictions or occasionally specific local judges may
stipulate longer requirements. These can be fulfilled in one of our advanced
groups.
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No! Between 50 and 60 percent of our clients are sent
by the criminal justice system. The rest are usually compelled by their
circumstances to “voluntarily” come to Menergy.
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Yes! And that mix is rich and usually very positive.
Often the clients can’t always tell who is mandated and who isn’t.
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No! About 20 to 25 percent of our clients have been
emotionally abusive but not physically abusive.
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Yes! And the clients generally come to see themselves as
very similar and having common issues. Especially because in the weekly
check-ins and work of the group, people are usually reporting about emotional
abuse as it occurs in their daily lives. Once in treatment, most clients stop
physical abuse.
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Menergy was founded in 1994. It is the direct descendant
of Project RAP founded in 1984 and directed by the same man (Paul Bukovec) who
designed and runs Menergy. We have the combined experience of almost two decades
and many thousands of cases.
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Yes. We sponsor and supervise
Triangle Space, a program
modeled after and modified to address the needs of lesbian and straight women
who have problems with being abusive in their intimate relationships. We
evaluate and treat women following the same principles of accountability and
responsibility with which we run our men’s program.
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Our programs are for adults. Our cut-off age is usually
19.
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A. Solid, accountable counseling programs for abusive men maintain strong
relations with local domestic violence programs that work with abused
partners. Therefore a good way of locating a quality counseling program
for abusive men in your area is to contact your local domestic violence
organization and ask them to recommend an organization.
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